Tech Curmudgeon: Invent a Problem, Sell a Solution!

July 15, 2011

Need to eat quick? Microwave.
Need to get there quick? Car.
Need to look up something? Computer
…while travelling in your car to buy a new microwave? Smartphone.

You get the idea — every normal situation has a product that makes it more convenient. Since all the common situations are accounted for, it forces manufacturers to create “new” common situations. Using mystical powers and Jedi mind tricks, they convince you that you’re going to experience these invented happenings, and before you know it you’re whipping out your credit card. Here’s a few examples I ran across recently.

Etsy is an online vendor of belts, nick-knacks, and such. One day they thought “You know, technical people don’t have any accessories to make them stand out in a crowd.”

Their solution: Belts made from computer mice.

Computer Mouse Buckles keep your belt tight and your pants around your chest. You never know when you’ll need to grab a pointing device off of your Batman-like utility belt and save the day! I can’t say for sure, but wear this and you’re either going to be the last one asked to dance or the hero of your Dungeon’s and Dragons gaming club. For the PC inclined, they come in a Compaq version as well. Etsy GettingWeddy — $15 – $22

Fossil makes great watches. I own a few myself, but there’s only so much you can do with a watch. One day, a Fossil designer thought “What happens if you can’t get your smartphone out of your pocket fast enough?”

Their solution: Put a mini smartphone screen on a watch.

The Fossil Meta Watch has built-in Bluetooth and links to your smartphone, so you will have yet another screen that shows you how many emails you have waiting, how many people are trying to reach you on Facebook, the weather, and I think they even squeeze the time in there somewhere as well. Do I really want yet another screen that will tell me who’s trying to track me down and if it’s raining while they’re doing it? Probably. I can’t say no to anything that makes me look like Dick Tracy. Fossil Meta Watch — Expected Price $199

Tactical Grilling knows war is hell. Apparently they also believe blackening meat over hot coals in the backyard is just as bad.

Their solution: Create a grilling apron that will keep you covered.

The Tactical Grilling Apron is available in several versions of camo (just in case a bovine sniper tries to get a bead on you for grilling up her sister). This apron is sure to protect your body from up to .38 caliber BBQ sauce rounds. Prepared to return fire? Lob a grenade of your favorite beverage from its handy front pouches. Want to see who your real friends are? Shake up a can, throw it on the ground, and see which one of your buddies throws his body upon it to save the platoon. Tactical Grilling Apron — $45.00

Wavejet wondered why all the fit and muscular people are the only ones having fun skimming around on 30′ waves. The Big-Gulp drinking, Little Debbie eating masses want in on the action too! It’s a lot of work swimming out into the ocean with all that water getting in the way.

Their solution: Create a jet powered surf board.

The Wavejet Jet Powered Surfboard contains a battery powered water jet (hence the name) that will propel your bulk up to 12MPH. I’m sure the fit surfers will appreciate the extra assist when trying to get out to that upcoming barrel, but in my view this is just a continuation of a trend of laziness — people became too lazy to push wagons and invented cars. People became too lazy to pedal bikes and invented motorcycles. People became to lazy to walk and invented the horsey-back ride. You could pre-order one of these boards, but I bet you’re too lazy to do it. Wavejet — Expected Price $4800

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New Business Broadband Plans!

By Mike Pawlecki • March 31, 2021

TOAST.net is excited to offer 4 new Business Broadband plans

New Fiber for Business Plans!

By Mike Pawlecki • March 11, 2021

TOAST.net is excited to announce 3 new Business Fiber Plans

New Residential Fiber Plans!

By Mike Pawlecki • January 12, 2021

TOAST.net has added two new residential Fiber Internet plans!

Switch to Universal Pricing

By Mike Pawlecki • August 14, 2020

This coming Monday, Aug. 17th, we will be switching to universal pricing -- one price for all DSL speeds (around $65) and one price for Fiber (around $90). So if anyone is thinking they could use one of our basic service plans, now's the time to order. For example: DSL - 12 Mbps for $43.95/month - Great for seniors on a fixed income. Plenty of speed for surfing the web, checking email, and streaming for 1 or 2 TVs. Fiber - 60 Mbps for $45.00/month - Awesome solution for just about any household. Note that fiber is a new technology and only about 20% of the country can get it. Check your address to see what service you qualify for and order by Sunday, 8/16/20! This is your last chance to lock in the speed and price of a great DSL or Fiber plan before they are grandfathered!

Google Meet

By Mike Pawlecki • May 20, 2020

Google Meet is now free for everyone. Check out TOAST.net's blog that tells you more about Google Meet usage at your home or office.

Work from Home (part 2)

By Mike Pawlecki • May 1, 2020

Google - Meet Meet is video conference software, similar to Zoom. To help businesses, schools, and people around the world navigate remote life, Google is making Meet free for everyone with availability rolling out over the coming weeks. See Google's blog post for details. SolarWinds - Take Control You may need to run applications off your PC or server at the office. In that case, SolarWinds makes makes an easy-to-use application that allows home users to remote desktop to their PC in the office. It's secure and doesn't require special hardware, a static IP, or VPN. We're offering this software free of charge for 90 days. Please contact us if interested.

Work from Home

By Mike Pawlecki • March 20, 2020

This week we've taken quite a few calls from companies asking how their employees and staff can work from home (WFH). We're happy to offer several WFH solutions to help organizations mitigate health risks to employees and customers. TOAST.net understands how important it is to keep your employees connected, productive, and safe during this unprecedented pandemic. Here are the services we have to help your business through this difficult time : Business Portal is a 'home page' for your browser that improves communication and efficiencies within your organization. It's a private Intranet that features company news, announcements, links to vendors and cloud apps, an employee schedule, and more! We offer this at no charge to our customers. Visit https://start.toast.net Google's G Suite - TOAST.net is an authorized reseller of G Suite, a cloud-based collaboration tool featuring Email, Calendar, Chat, Hangouts (video conferencing), and Drive. You can create files, documents, spreadsheets, and presentations with just your browser (no software to install) and share these with fellow workers, customers, and vendors. More info Remote Desktop - an easy-to-use application that allows home users to connect to PCs in the office. It's secure and doesn't require special hardware or a static IP. We're offering this free of charge for 90 days. High-speed Internet for Home - We provide residential Cable, DSL, and Fiber Internet service . So you can pay for your employee's Internet connection on your business invoice. Please contact us if you're interested in any of these services. B est wishes to everyone to stay healthy, safe, and upbeat as we socially distance ourselves for a quick end to this situation. Note: Our customer support team continues to work their regular hours. We operate support teams in multiple locations and, while there may be some disruption at certain locations for a limited time, overall we do not expect any significant change in access to support.

Cut The Cord With Unlimited Data

By TOAST.net Internet • January 28, 2019

In the month after Christmas, we’ve seen a high demand for our Internet service with unlimited data. Much of it is from people wanting to use their new streaming device (Fire Stick, Roku, Chromecast, Apple TV, etc.) to cancel their expensive cable TV service. This is commonly referred to as “cutting the cord.”

Fiber Expansion

By TOAST.net Internet • December 17, 2018

TOAST.net is pleased to announce fiber Internet service in 12 new metro areas:

Start Page Updates

By TOAST.net Internet • December 12, 2018

Moved Facebook link from top bar to the Popular Sites section. Added Yahoo Finance to the Personal Finance section. Yahoo Finance is one of the largest business news web sites in the United States by monthly traffic.